In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize