I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
