So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I love having hate sex.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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