first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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