I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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