my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
