He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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