i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize