I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
