I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
