Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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