you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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