i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
