the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
