Already got asked if we're dating
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
