Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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