sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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