awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
