If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
