brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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