just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
