He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
