His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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