White coat. Heels.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
