I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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