just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
