My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
