My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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