I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
