After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
