I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The uberlube is also flammable
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
