i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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