i was born a porn star she said
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
