tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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