how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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