either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
