Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
