it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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