i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
