A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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