New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
