OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
