Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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