Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
