A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
