He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize