I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
