I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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