So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
