i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Randomize
