i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Damn victory sex feels great
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
