I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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