I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
