A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize