if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
