oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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