gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
