I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
