My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize