Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
