Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
