walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I lost the right to judge tonight
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
