She is in my trunk
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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