How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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