just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
my liver is dry heaving
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
