Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
