I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Someone shattered a urinal.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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