does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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