Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize