Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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