My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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