Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
