my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
