Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
