It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
