I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
