i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
