He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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