I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
