Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
