Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
