i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
