Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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