I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
