I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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