Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
