I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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