Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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