It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
