This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
