just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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