I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
where are my eyebrows?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize