I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
