accomplished twins. life is a go
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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