I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
