just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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