It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
