just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
