bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
