the condom got lost in my hair
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
